Grocery Gossip

In the retail grocery world, we’re like a family. Everyone knows each others business. Not a day goes by that there’s some new gossip about someone. The funny thing about gossip is that the original story will constantly change from each person its passed down to and most likely, whoever the story is about, they will likely be the last to hear it…it's like a huge game of telephone.


I remember one day I arrived to work a little early. I walked in, like normal, and everyone kind of gave me weird looks. I walked to the break room and everyone just kind of stared at me. Some of my coworkers asked if I was okay.

Then I went to start for the day, clocked in and began doing my everyday responsibilities. I went straight to the computer room and began filing papers I should have done the night before. One of my coworkers Ashely came in and looked like she had seen a ghost.

Ashley: Oh....you're working today?

Me: Yeah. Why wouldn't I be? 

Ashley: Oh... I don't know 

I had the same conversation with about 5 other people in the next hour. I decided something was up and I went to my manager. She had no idea what was going on either. So I took it to the source and asked one of my cashiers Cameron what was going on.

Me: Cameron, please explain to me why everyone is so surprised to see me today. And be honest please.

Cameron: Um....well....we heard you got fired. 

After some eye rolling I realized everyone thought I was fired because we had just fired a different employee with my same name earlier that day. It just makes me think how a bunch of professional workers can be more gossipy then high school students.

Working at a supermarket for the past 5 years, I have had a variety of jobs, titles and positions. I thought it would be a good idea to list them all and explain just what each details and why they all actually suck.

Bagger

As an entry level bagger, I though at the time this was the worst job you could have in a grocery store. Low pay, pushing carts, taking out garbage and doing all the tasks no one else wants to do. Bagging sucks, no matter was position you are. Having to bag everything, listen to customers bitch about your bagging job, having to help old women outside to their cars.

The perk? Getting to literally walk away whenever you want and having no real responsibility. Looking back, I totally wish I had taken advantage of that at the time.

Cashier

By far, being a cashier was my least favorite position I've ever had. All baggers want to do is be cashiers, but three months later you wish you were back on the other side of the check stand.

It involves long hours of standing in the same spot, scanning the same items, having the same fake conversation with customers, hearing the same complaints, all while trying really hard to keep a smile on your face.

Floral Department
Probably the most boring position I've held was being a floral clerk. Floral brings in the least amount of money for the store and also throws out the most products for being expired.

Daily tasks include changing water buckets, throwing out flowers, making arrangements and just cleaning the floral area. The best part was going outside and watering the flowers and plants outside with the hose. Hours of pretending to water in between cigarette breaks. Although it was easy, it was just so boring.

Customer Service
The time finally came for me to be a supervisor. I was pretty excited, but really sad at the same time. I had worked there long enough to have extra responsibility, but I then I realized I had worked there a bit too long.

This job just straight up sucks. Longer hours, very little pay and a hell of a lot more stress. The average picture of myself behind the customer service desk is: performing a refund, while on the phone, while checking the price of something, while yelling at a bagger to get back from break, while getting singles register #1 all at the same time. Not worth it.

Personnel Trainer 
Probably my favorite position was being the personnel trainer. I literally got to sit in an office smaller than my closet and sit on a computer doing nothing all day. I just made spreadsheets and sent emails. When we finally got new employees I got to run them through orientation.

The worst part was showing the training videos made in the 90's over and over and over again. If I ever have to watch a video on how to be a good employee again I would probably rip my hair out. After all their training I handed the new employee a name tag and uniform and sent them on their way.

Assistant Service Manager
My current position and first one I actually get paid well for is being the front-end assistant service operations manager. Long title to simply say I'm in charge of cashiers, baggers and customer service employees.

Between sending emails and making lists, I walk around and yell at my employees for what they are doing wrong. At the same time, I get yelled at all the time for stupid shit my employees do. So it's a toss up on this job, but it has paid the best so I'll deal with it for now.

The smelly lady

Working anywhere, you can expect to find daily regulars. At my old Jewel-Osco we had this one customers, I still don't know her name, that we refered to as the smelly lady.

Now this woman didn't just smell badly, she smelled horribly. She is older, probably in her late 60's or so. Standing about 5'2 and slightly overweight, we would run when she came near. Her makeup was caked on her face. You could almost see her pores clogging from all the powder on her face. Her hair, oh her hair. It's like a pseudo birds nest bee hive thing, held up by at least half a bottle of hair spray.

She would spend upwards 3 hours in the store, chatting with the employees and other customers from around the neighborhood. My favorite game was seeing which one of us unfortunate cashiers would have the displeasure of ringing up her groceries.

You always hoped to be on one of the registers closer to the aisles, mainly because you would be the first one to smell her. It's like a mixture between old lady perfume, locker room body odor and rotting cheese. As she approached the checkout we played a game we called musical registers. One by one we would turn off our lights, put up a closed sign and duck down so she wouldn't see you. The last one to turn their light off would have to ring her up.

Now this woman came in every day and literally bought the same items every day. Two bottle of Evian water, a banana, a bag of chips, a bottle of hairspray, ice cream and enough lunch meat and cheese to last three days.

The conversation would be almost identical each time.

Oh honey how are you?

I just love this store! 

I'm giving you my credit card! 

After passing the receipt and almost fainting from holding your breath for so long, you then have to run to the aisle with the air fresheners and inhale the closest bottle of Hawaiian Breeze.

Homeless Money

For a short stint I got transferred to one of the Jewel-Osco stores on the Southside. Keep in mind this was one month after my moving to Chicago from northwest suburbia. So needless to say, I was in a bit of a culture shock.

Anyways, I could not get over the amount of dirty, crack headed, nasty homeless people that would come in to use the bathrooms or make drug deals on the pay phones. I got asked about 10 times a day if I could exchange their daily coin earnings for actual dollar bills.

So one day I was doing my thing at the customer service desk when a very nice homeless lady walked in asking if I could exchange her $2 worth of quarters for dollar bills. Normally I would say no, but it was all quarters, she was really polite and I wasn’t busy.

Just as I took the money my then coworker LaTasha slapped my hand full of change. It went flying everything.

LaTasha: Oh HELL no, no no no no no. She knows I don’t take her change. She just askin’ you cause you new and you a nice little boy. That’s why she’s hidin’ in the corner over there like as if I wouldn’t see her.

Me: ……

LaTasha: No, I ain’t takin’ that dirty money that’s been sitting in that dirty ass McDonalds cup all day. I’m sorry the crack man don’t change change, well neither do I.

Glee, but you get the point. 

LaTasha then crossed her arms and pursed her lips while I scooped up the poor woman’s change. I gave the change back and the woman called her some nasty name under her breath.

LaTasha: Oh I know you didn’t just call me that, hell no. Do you want me to call security?

The woman left and I never saw her again. LaTasha then hit me upside the head and lectured me on the importance of not taking change from homeless people. Let’s just say I never did it again and left that Jewel about two weeks later. 

Condoms & Pregnancy Tests...Awkward

Buying things like condoms or pregnancy tests are normal and just a part of life. But for some reason, at least for me, it is always awkward selling these items to customers.

My favorite situation is when an older man comes to my line and just puts down some chocolates, a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine and a box of condoms. These customers rarely look me in the eye and rarely attempt to make small talk. Frankly, I’d rather not make small talk with them either. I just proceed with the transaction and always add a have a great night at the end.

But when shit gets really awkward is when someone purchases a pregnancy test. Whether it be the potential father, mother or the couple together, it’s always an awkward turtle moment. It always starts the same; the customer comes to the checkout and goes for the cashier with the least amount of customers in the hopes of minimizing the amount of people that can see their purchase.

I always feel badly for the woman if she’s looking terrified by the possibility of pregnancy. I scan them quickly, wrap it in a plastic bag and suggest she puts the test in her purse. The men on the other hand I just kind of like to screw with them. I get louder, HEY HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY? FIND EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? Waiting to the last possible second to put the pregnancy test into a bag. THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING, HAVE A GREAT DAY! Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I think it’s hilarious.

"Maybe no one will see me with these sunglasses on."

The best is when customers think they can avoid anyone noticing their purchase by using the self-checkouts. The typical maybe pregnant woman come up, holds the box just right so no one can see what she’s buying, scans the test and dumps it into the bag as quickly as possible. Now maybe it’s a coincidence or maybe they feel my eyes staring at them, but after putting the test in a bag they always glance over to see if I’m looking at them. Like HELLO of course I’m going to be staring at you the entire time you’re buying a pregnancy test.

When I worked in my hometown in the suburbs I would always see people I knew from school shopping. Inevitably classmates would come in to purchase condoms. One day this girl Sarah came in. I’ve always hated Sarah because she was a brown nosing biotch who was “perfect” and all the soccer moms had nothing better to do than talk about Sarah. So the day came when Sarah and her boyfriend sneakishly bought condoms the day I was working self-checkout. Needless to say, the soccer moms had a lot to talk about that night at “book club” over margaritas. 

Refunds

When I started working for Jewel-Osco I had little knowledge of what happened behind the customer service desk. Whenever a customer demanded a refund I could just apologize and point them to my supervisor behind the desk.

Then came the day when I was that supervisor behind the desk. I quickly learned how insane people are.

First off, I didn’t think people were actually allowed to return food. This is still a concept I can’t quite get over, but whatever. Tip: You can return ANYTHING at a grocery store as long as you have the product in some form or another and have a receipt. I’ve compiled some of my favorite refund stories for you:

Ice Cream Lady

I once had an older woman, typical grandma-looking white lady. Cute as a button. She came to the desk with a receipt and a gallon of ice cream.

Grandma: Oh I would like a refund on this ice cream.

Me: Oh certainly, was there anything wrong with it?

Grandma: No, I just didn’t like the taste.

Confused, I then opened the gallon to discover that roughly 2/3 of the gallon was missing.

Me: It took you 2/3 of gallon to realize you didn’t like the flavor?

Grandma: (evil glare and a frown)

Vitamin Lady

Now this woman was a regular of mine, always trying to get a refund on something or bitching about prices, so it was nothing out of the ordinary. But one day she approached me with a plastic baggy with about 5 pills in it.

Refund Lady: I demand a refund! These vitamins made me sick!

Me: Okay…..do you have a receipt? And the bottle?

Refund Lady: Well I threw both of those out.

Me: Well firstly I need a receipt to refund your money and I need to product to scan.

Refund Lady: I have the product right here!

After some more arguing I got my manager. We discovered that the pills she had were Vitamin C tablets and she had bought the 100-count bottle. Meaning she had taken roughly 95 pills and then decided to return the last 5 for a full refund. After some more arguing she decided she would come back tomorrow to see the “real manager.” She never did get that refund.

Dominicks Dude

One night this man came up to my desk with 3 items he wanted to return. I scanned his receipt only to find none of the items were on the receipt. We agreed upon giving him store credit for the items since he had other things to purchase while he was there.

I scanned the first item, some type of BBQ sauce, and the item came up ‘not found.’ This means that no Jewel-Osco carriers this particular type of BBQ sauce. He insisted that he had purchased the item at this exact store. I called my manager who confirmed we did not carry the item.

He was still convinced we carried it. So I decided to walk him to the aisle myself where, shocker, the BBQ was nowhere to be found. He admitted he might have picked it up some place else, but wanted to return the other items.

I scanned both other items and the exact same thing happened, we did not sell those items.

Dominicks Dude: This is absolutely ridiculous I know I bought these items here why are you people making this so difficult for me to return?

Me: (blank stare)

Dominicks Dude: Whatever, you just lost out on $200 worth of my money, I’m going to Dominicks.

Sassy Coworker: Fine, Dominicks can take care of your crazy ass. 

Incorrect Prices

Have you ever gone through a checkout and noticed a price just didn’t seem right? Let’s say you say a sign near your favorite jar of pasta sauce that says $1.99. When you got to the checkout the item actually rang up for $3.99. You decide to inquire as to the price mix up and come to find out the price was for a different pasta sauce.

In my 5 years working in the grocery industry, I can remember a total of 2 times when the price actually rang up incorrectly. In the 1.5 million (exaggerating) other instances, the customer read the wrong tag.

Just last week an upset customer was brought to my attention when she thought her laundry detergent was supposed to be on sale. I went to check the price and discovered the smaller version of the same product was actually the sale item. I kindly explained this to the customer, but she wouldn’t have it.

So I then escorted her over to the detergent aisle and showed her the correct tag. For whatever reason she believed she should still get the sale price. After some fake unfortunately that is the correct price conversation she proceeded to throw the bottle of detergent at me and demand a refund.

I don’t know what she was thinking, but I know I certainly was not going to be the one to refund her money.  

But this got me to think, why don’t people ever read the tags?

Have you ever gone to a clothing store and had a similar price discrepancy? I know I have, and I realize it was my fault for reading the tag incorrectly. Maybe it’s just the kind of person I am, but I would never argue about something that was my fault in the first place.

Read your tags! 

Regardless, this is a never-ending trend at the grocery store. Now I understand a 2 or 3-dollar difference in price can be alarming. But when people argue over 10 cents I just have to shake my head.

I once got into an altercation with a customer over the price of an Arizona Iced Tea. Keep in mind I purchase Arizona at the beginning of almost every shift so I’m quite familiar with the price. I had even purchased one earlier that day.

The customer insisted that he saw a sign that the tea was 89 cents, when I knew it was 99 cents. After showing him my bottle of Arizona and my receipt he still wouldn’t believe me. So again, I walked him over to the aisle with the Arizona. Sure enough he was wrong, the price was actually 99 cents.

Without muttering a word to me he left the store and I went back to drinking my 99 cent Arizona.